THE JOURNEY

                                   

I didn't really expect to be writing another blog but, honestly, I can't help myself. I had an amazing journey while on the Island during the Holidays and I'd like to share.  I journeyed to Bonaire with the sole purpose of killing cancer.  A retreat, sorta, for ME to focus on ME.   I went just days after my 2nd Immune Support Therapy (IST) from the Greek lab.  I needed to be stress free somewhere warm and to concentrate on putting all my focus on my goal for at least 6 wks.  Greg at the last minute opted not to come and took the opportunity to kinda do the same thing for him.  A retreat, sorta for him.  He enrolled himself in an alcohol rehab for a month.   Now, we are together again being the partners we are good at.  All good stuff with good results.

Girls night out became a weekly thing.

Christmas and New Year's went by in a flash. I filled my days on the couch resting and on the water playing.  I ate what I needed for my battle only having to concern myself with myself.  It was an interesting time as I have never really been alone to do exactly as I pleased.  I missed Greg and my family but the retreat was most welcomed.  I was never lonely as I had lots of girls to keep me company on and off the water.

Always talented women to sail with

While on Bonaire I began having some issues with edema as is evident when comparing my two legs in the photo at the top. I suspected tumor growth clogging my lymph system. A photographer sent me the photo and it woke me to the realization that the swelling was pretty obvious even though it didn't hinder me.  I tend to ignore things like this. Especially if it doesn't hurt or hinder me.  DENY DENY DENY.  Besides, I was in a good routine of rest, relax and no stress with my sport. It was the perfect set up and I can honestly say I did EVERYTHING to prevent the stupid cancer from growing. Yet it grew.

So, the journey led me back to Florida for tests to confirm my suspicions. My cancer marker jumped to 581 (0-35 normal) which was enough of an indicator that I am now choosing to be once again on chemo. This time it's something different. Gemzar. It has all of the classic side affects. My doctor said that it will not kill my cancer but it will give me more time! The good part is that I can work the schedule in a way that I have time in between treatments to do the fun things I plan to do.
This is a new type of journey for me that requires preparations and planning like everything else worthwhile. I feel very blessed to have this opportunity to put closure to my life for me and for my family and friends. My passing will not be a surprise. A sudden heart attack and a car accident has taken from my family and the devastation is incomprehensible. We are all now given the opportunity to process this together. Without the devastation. Pretty awesome.
I asked my chemo nurse in her opinion how much time do you think I have. 1 week, 1 month, 1 year? Her answer was; "You have time to do what you want so go do what you want." I guess that's all I really needed to hear.

I believe in God so I decided to jump start my journey by professing my faith. I was baptized as an infant but without memory. This time I was baptized with conviction. I realize that I don't know what lies ahead but whatever it is I will be prepared. There may still be trials and treatments ready to be discovered tailor made for me in the future. I just need to stay alive long enough for that to happen and with my knowledge of hardcore training applied to fighting my cancer the odds are pretty good I will survive. But, it will be what it will be and I'm going to be ready for whatever plays out......with the grace of God, family and friends.

 

So, back in the chair again I'm poisoning my body to kill stupid cancer.  Last Friday I had an infusion and I can already tell that the tumors are shrinking.  The edema in my leg is becoming less telling me that my lymph system is beginning to work a bit better. I'm happy to have this indicator because even though I know the chemo is poison IT IS killing my cancer and the edema is my barometer.

I get another infusion next week and then wait until May 2 to begin the cycle again. Watch out April....here I come! Stay tuned.